Some realisations...

I hail from an ancestry which has always served the rulers. Right from the time of the Mauryans, the Guptas, the Palas, the Mughals (from the time of whose, I can trace my surname), the Raj and now the Republic, we have been serving in one form or the other. And so I dream small, so that I have less to lose. After coming here I have seen people harbouring big dreams, exerting themselves like ass (donkey, not the typical meaning with which we use the word in BITS) to mark their individuality. I just wanted to be an engineer and nothing else.
Will my small dream get a jolt. With propositions of dropping a whole semester because of Tuberculosis, which I got from don't know where, coming from influential quarters onto me, I am in a big dilemma. Come on, it's just the initial stage. The local doctor here diagnosed it and on my insistence, started the treatment. On somebody's suggestion (name withheld), I went to New Delhi to get a second opinion. There started the problem. I reached New Delhi on Monday night. I got headache from that night. The Delhi doctor changed my medicine (the composition remaining the same) which I took only on Wednesday morning. Yet that headache and head spinning continued and I returned to Pilani. I reached out to the same local doctor here for help in this headache case. But he refused to treat me as I have taken the matter to another doctor. To make matters worse, he lied to the Chief Warden here that I am getting headaches only after taking the Delhi medicines, whereas I clearly told him that I was getting headaches since Monday night and I had taken Delhi medicines for just one day, on Wednesday morning.
I seriously think that a respectful person like him should not have lied in this way. It is like playing with his own reputation. Even the Chief Warden knows that he is lying. What did he get from it, inner satisfaction? Mental calm? Bheje ko shaanti mil gayi aapki? Khopdi ka light off gaya tha jo jhooth bolne chale the?
He might come down and ask me to keep quiet. He will, definitely, if I let my voice go out of control. But then, I am right and he is wrong. If ten more guys like him come onto me, I dare to bet nobody will have the guts to get me bowed down.
What should I blame? Whom should I blame? Myself? What have I done? The doctor who lied? He has just taken the matter to his prestige, although everyone expected a little more humanity from him. The influential person who suggested my parents to get a second opinion due to which all this started? He was just a well-wisher.
I am a mimick. And now, due to this illness, I am facing breathing problems and so might not mimick this time. That's what has made me sad.
Dr. K K Birla passed away. Many people might actually be unhappy with him (or his father) for choosing a place Pilani which is accessible only by road (whose health is almost always in shambles). But I am indebted to him to make it possible to realise my small dream and so deeply regret his death.
Kosi river became mad. Lakhs of people got affected, nobody is sure of how many people died. Indeed a sorrow, what has it made of the once thriving region.
Blasts everywhere. Jaipur, Ahmedabad, Bangalore, Surat to name a few. We just don't know on which bomb our name is written.

Death and chaos is all around... Should I give even a little importance to my ailment?

I don't know why but...

Offff........ Enough is the frustration already. I feel like getting on to my own good old nature of wasting time.........
Perhaps, I had done too much for the day. Or perhaps, I had done very little and so, getting tensed. Perhaps, this is the first time in my entire life that I am getting some time out of the box to spend on myself, to think of my past, to ponder over my future, to evaluate the present, and yes, to find out the mistakes I have done today, so that they may not get repeated tomorrow.
O God! Please give me the strength to accept that, which I cannot stop!!!
This is what I pray, all day and night, consciously or unconsciously. This is what has taken me through the hardest times of my life... those two years, gave me solace, when I was anxious, provided me with support, when I was friendless, considered by many to be a worthless, wretched creature. Abused at every step, sweared at in every moment, cursed by the very people whom I was living with. I had not done any justice to myself.
Everybody reading this must have gone through a transitional phase in life called the +2 phase. It is the tensest of all the phases of human life. True, everyone has shared the anxiety, the shiver of the competitive entrance examinations. But I can dare to say that my life in +2 was completely different and much more difficult than “most” of you.
I never used to be a very brilliant student. I was just another average guy who used to solve any problem with ease but when it came to writing a presentable, good looking answer, got simply and heavily screwed. People hoped that I would get around 95% marks in 10th class board. But again, that saga. Got 91.3% and came 6th in the batch. Anyways, got into a reputed school for +2 and this was where my constant fight with time, frustration, slangs, curses, isolation, contempt started. Nobody liked me for no apparent reason. Just because i had scored poorly in my 10th, they concluded me to be a brainless lucky SAMPLE. I could never take part in their discussions, could not ask them the score of the Indian Team, neither could I share their numerous lighter moments...everybody would start to stare at me as if I was some alien dropped from literally nowhere... “Tumhara aur kaam hi kya hai... bas baith ke ratte raho...kabhi samajh ke padha hai?”
If you think that this was the case only due to the students, then you are wrong. One fine day, our most revered chemistry teacher boastfully asks “Tum engineering ki tayyari mat karo... tum uske layak nahi ho... kya kiye kya ho zindagi me???” God knows how but I got the strength to retaliate “Jab mujhe khud lagega ki mai iske layak nahi hoon, mai khud tayyari band kar doonga...”.
Class 11 was a complete nightmare for me. I used to live alone, seldom used to talk to anybody. The only friends I had were the books I sincerely studied, my greatest friend being the good old Morrison & Boyd... Isolated for ten months, the only thing, as you may call it, that kept me strong was this very saying, to lend me the strength to accept that which I cannot change. Yes there were mistakes on my part too. I always used to be frustrated with my 10th results but I never did misbehave with anyone. I never did harm to anyone. I never disturbed anyone nor did I even think of driving a person to despair. I remember once I asked one boy what was the score. Not even looking at me he threw these words to his friends which were of course directed against me “ Are isko koi samjhao yaar...” and went away.

It was some night just a few days before the final exams of class 11th... I was desperately trying to study as I had promised someone that I would improve my performance this time. Although I seriously doubted this because there was hell lot of noise in the class. So much, so that the authorities had to come and scold the class prefect who himself was busy singing this song or the other all the time. I don't know whether he contemplated upon his actions or not but he came down heavily on me...
“ Sarkar tum kyon itna baat kar rahe ho, mere ko daant khana pada ki nahi... Tumse baar baar bolne par bhi sudhra nahi jaata hai kya?”

me:- “ Are yaar mai kahan baat kar raha tha, aaj poori raat mai shaant raha balki mai khud pareshan hoon ki class me itna halla o raha hai...”

another boy:- “ To abhi tumse shaant nahi raha jata hai kya ? Hum logon ko abhi disturb ho raha hai ki nahi... ekdum shaant raho, sample saala”

me:- “To mujhe kyon bol rahe ho? Use bolo na, usi ne to mere ko bola tha...”

same boy:- “Kya hai re? Kahe halla kar raha hai? Bol rahe hain shaant rahne ke liye to shaant nahi ho sakta hai kya? Tab se dimaag kharaab kiye ja raha hai... Ekdum chup raho...”

me:- “Kya majaak hai!!!”

3rd boy:- “re ****... !!! bol rahe hain to samajh nahi aa raha hai? Kahe disturb kar raha hai?”
many in chorus:- “ re sample re!!! shaant rah...”

2nd boy:- “saala **********... kabhi padhai kiya hai? Ratt ke 10th pass kar liya hai aur abhi padh raha hai!”

Take it, that I by hearted everything, if this is what satisfies you. For I have nothing to prove, nothing to defend, nothing have I done in my life which I should be proud of. Who am I to oppose anybody? What is my background? Never had I been successful convincingly in my life. Even failed to give that Chemistry teacher, a befitting reply... that of conquering entrance exams. Could come here only because I somehow hung on. Otherwise, I have no other achievements worth telling anybody. If all these stuffs seem highly irrational to you then please... let me be irrational for the time being, let me vent out that which I had been storing in my mind for all these days. I never had any complaint against anybody. All I wanted to say was that, I am not a hopeless fool that I was once thought of. That I am not a frustrating fellow for which I was to get lots of abuses. That I am just another average guy who has come out into this world with some dreams of his own. They might seem weird to you, baseless and suicidal as you may call it but they are mine. If you can't help anybody rise higher then you don't have any right to bring that person down. Criticism helps a person go higher and I say “bring a person down” because destructive criticism can actually harm a person's mentality. Criticism is good as long as it is constructive. But some people tend to forget this thin boundary. I am not trying to do the impossible task of snatching away your democratic right to criticize but if you don't know how to use it, then its better you don't use it.
My case, although a very tough one for me, is actually nothing as compared to the case of those who had to suffer physical, financial and of course mental hardships. But they are special to me. They urged me to move forward and become what I am now in front of you, from a negligible sidelined rote-learner. Even now, in between club meetings and sessions, if I get some time, I thank God for the life I am living now... the love and respect I am getting from people. Its truly a dream for me and I pray......
“Let not this life be snatched away from me...”

From the Grassroot level...

Somebody said fast food??? Or, a treat in a restaurant? Yeah, sure, I would love to have it…
But what if the food is non-veg? Think once more before going for a party. For this is the question which has baffled many down the ages. The question over which type of food one should have, vegetarian or non-vegetarian. It’s not that there is a great intricacy and important implications of this topic, but might prove to be relevant to those who had been disturbed by the ones who take “ghaas-phoos” as some call it and also to those who seek to break the age old tradition just because many delicious menus can be prepared in non-veg area.
Just because tradition prescribes and some religion vouchsafes that one should not lay hands on non-veg doesn’t mean that one should be forced to do so. Still there are some, who would like others to take only vegetarian and nothing else and will go to any extent to woo people to this way. They won’t take food on those vessels in which non-veg is prepared, won’t touch even spices, another plant product, which is indispensable for making non-veg food. They will even protest against cooking both types of food in the same place. Why?
Some quote health concerns. But we know the limit, on which to stop. Others take shelter in tradition. Non violent teachings which have been a part of every religion. This is even more critical reason which needs proper attention. Religions came up at a time when nobody knew that plants have life in them. True, Mahavira said that everything in this universe has life but that has been said in context of those bloody times when Kings undertook naked aggression upon each other killing thousands. It wasn’t until J.C. Bose found out that they have life in them. Yet the ancient beliefs held on.
Yes, we kill animals to eat them. If you consider that to be a sin then to kill plants is an even greater sin. The rice we get, the bread we tear, the sugar, without which no tea, coffee or sweet drink is possible, are all made from plants which have just started to live their own life. Even the wooden chairs, which decorate your rooms or the cricket bat of Sachin Tendulkar is made not from some dead decaying plant, but a proper young tree. Does that mean we should stop playing cricket? Does that mean we should stop eating and die of starvation?
Beliefs should always be in their place. But again, there should be a basis for that. On one hand, when India is trying really hard to remove casteism and untouchability, the blind dogmatic society which considers it a sin to touch those vessels in non-veg is being cooked, is proving to be a major road block. Why to keep such beliefs which causes problems to others?
It’s very disappointing to see the so called highly educated elite of India still living in the medieval ages. People, when will you broaden up your mind? Education is something which creates the propensity to question that which you are doubtful of…

Reservation

Reservation, a word that has over the years created too much sensation all over the country. The recent fuel being provided by the proposal to give 27% reservation to the Other Backward Classes, better known as the OBC’s. Throughout the time when the anti-quota protests were raging over cities and towns, we could see students getting lathi-charged by the patrons of law and order. Why? Merit should be allowed to bloom. That was the logic accepted by the students countrywide. Another logic sprang up, that reservation should only be given to those who are economically backward. But somehow this logic receded to the background, nobody knows why, very few ever tried to think about it.
But where lies the crux? Who is responsible for all this outrage? The Mandal Commision? The Government of India? The much hated Arjun Singh? Let us try to put things sequentially.
Take the case of the IIT’s. When Pandit Jawaharlal Nehru established the first of them, he said that for years this place had been a detention camp for those who fought for independence, now from this very place a new India will arise, where there will be no poverty, an India dreamed of by those who died for its cause, this place shall represent the new urge of India to earn its rightful place in the family of nations. They are termed as the Institutes of National Importance which means there will always be a preferential allotment of funds. The amount of funds bestowed upon IIT Madras in one year is far greater than that of all engineering colleges of Bihar, Jharkhand, Orissa and Chhattisgarh. Our government spends crores of rupees per student studying in the IIT. Is this justified? The graduates over the years have failed to fulfill the motive behind setting up of these institutes. They have done very little or nothing to remove poverty from the country. There are millions of destitute who have never ever known what literacy is like. Everybody gets admission to these institutes having just one thing in mind. To earn a lot of money. There is nothing wrong in thinking so. To travel to foreign countries and work in big multinational companies. Again there is nothing wrong in thinking so. We have toiled for so long, so we should get our due. Why spoil our chance with something called reservation? But had there been no institutes of such caliber WHERE THE HELL WOULD YOUR DREAMS OF WORKING IN MULTINATIONAL COMPANIES AND EARNING BIG BUCKS GO? Seems strange, isn’t it? Its a chance given to us by our government, just think of those who don’t even get the chance to study in a primary school. Those who had to work in fields or in a tea stall or for that matter in a country made liquor shop. Don’t we have any responsibility towards them? Yes, its the government’s duty to look after them but then who are we?
We say India’s bridges are built by those who come through the Quota system. Who is responsible for that? The Government of India? Yes, of course. The graduates who have been passing over the years?
No, not at all!!!
Are you sure?
Yes!
Just think about it.
Yes, we might be responsible. Yes, we are.

My friends, it is not the time to hold each other responsible. Michael Faraday persevered even as a mechanic’s apprentice and thus we know electromagnetism. Ramanujan only had frayed notebooks for his mathematical formulae. A great nation is created by its people. We should be happy that we got a chance to prove ourselves.